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Importance of Grey


The profound duality in life: the Light and the Shadow

AND ... there is also the Grey


In my lifetime, I have experienced, as many of us have, myriad peaks and valleys - Light and Shadow - Trauma and Triumph. I come to you, humbly, with an offering of the wisdom I have acquired through a lived life.

The recent Cancerian full moon brought with it deep release for me in ways I could not have foreseen. I have been asking to be shown what I cannot see and have seen what breaks my heart. For this I am stronger, resilient and brave. For this my heart aches with the emptiness of an absent friendship and love. This lifetime is one of many wonders, full of awe. joy. ecstasy. 

It is also one of heartache, with pain. sadness. grief. I am learning as I go; leaning into the many ways of trust and surrender. We cannot have the light without the dark; the illumination without the shadow. I seek to exist in the grey - the in-between places of extremes. To dip into, and out of, each for brief periods of time but not to dwell in either for too long. 

Conversations abound about the Shadow and the Light. I have recently become curious about the in-between times … when we are not in crisis nor are we in ecstasy. What does that space look and feel like? It is a space I consider the Grey area. The place where we go to integrate. to recalibrate. to reset. to rest.


When we find ourselves deep in the weeds of life - the Shadow - it is easy to become lost and begin to believe it is the only way to experience our lives. I find it fascinating how easily we take the time we are in the Light for granted AND dig in, wallow and, at times, take perverse pleasure in living in the Shadow. Acknowledging, in our humanness, it is easier for us to linger in the Shadow than it is for us to remain in the Light. 

We all have our Shadow - our not fun experiences and/or attributes, our traumas. We are informed by them; they teach us, they mold us, they stretch us to be an even better version of ourselves. However, our Shadow is meant to be lived in only for a short period of time (acknowledging a short period of time is relative). It is not meant to hold our attention indefinitely. 

Our Shadow is a necessary and vital part of who we were, who we are, who we are becoming but it is not meant to be a place of residence. It is meant, merely, to be the teacher. The Guru of introspection - it is meant to create space for us to reflect, to learn, to stretch, to consider, to then, GROW.


Both Light and Shadow are equally necessary for our expansion in our human experience. Without the Shadow we would not know the Light. When we resist the purpose of the duality, we create tension within ourselves. When we accept the existence of this duality - its reason for existence - we experience a sense of calm.  

I am not suggesting our lives will be full of calmness if only we accept the existence of this duality, but by accepting it, we remove the inherent stress which occurs with resistance and denial. This acceptance allows us to navigate the Shadow with the calm of knowing “this too shall pass”.

Shadow and Light cannot exist simultaneously in the same space. It is a conscious CHOICE which one we choose to live in. No, I am not advocating we ignore the Shadow - it is vital. What I am speaking into is HOW we acknowledge and work with the Shadow … as a means for growth OR a means to hide from our true magnificence. 

Living authentically, vulnerably, fully means experiencing BOTH joy and sorrow / light and shadow. Allowing the Shadow to be our rosetta stone - that which provides the crucial knowledge for solving a puzzle/challenge. To provide us the opportunity for breakthrough and discovery for us to adjust, or choose differently, our course to move in the direction of growth, to the path which supports our quest to become whole. 

Pain is the touchstone to spiritual growth (Author Unknown)

Each of us has our touchstone moments - those events which we experience that define us and forever shift our trajectory. If we allow, and are willing to lean in, these touchstones will support us in navigating our journey ... to settle into our life with intention, with meaning, with acceptance and with grace.


To live ALL in the Light or ALL in the Shadow is not sustainable. When we are in the Light, we are often experiencing intense joy and manifestation, it is often a space of intense activity. On the other hand, when we are in the Shadow, we are often navigating challenging situations, emotions or events - this is hardly a space of peace and ease. 

What my touchstones have shown me, is there is a way to exist in the in-between, The Grey areas ... to embrace the light and shadow and be WHOLE.


I believe the grey is the area where we integrate the lessons of the Shadow and the joys of the Light. It is the middle space where we can rest, re-set, reflect. It can be the space we live in, comfortably, in the in-between times: when we are static, content, normalizing and adjusting to the new imprint from the lessons we have received from the Light and the Shadow. It can be a place of self-care, of nourishment, of peace and ease.

I experience the grey as a decompression of sorts, a period of integration, from the expansion the lessons Shadow generates or the ecstasy and intensity Light can be. It is a place of contentment. It is the period of time after the chaos and high energy have passed where I get to sit quietly with self, absorb and listen deeply. It is the time where I feel I am finally coming up for air … where I get to become comfortable with my new skin. To quietly experience my new wholeness. 

The curious part of the Grey is, it also, is not a place to reside in for too long. For contentment breeds complacency. We are created to grow and expand. Once you feel content it is generally a sign it is time for expansion, either through triumph or trial.


All of this to say, we get to find a melody between and betwixt the Shadow, the Light and the Grey. For these three places we reside to be in harmony is to find the central calm, the eye of the storm of life. 


  • Where do you exist, primarily? 

  • What reflections/insights are you experiencing?

  • Reflect on a touchstone moment you experienced. How did it forever change you?
    Did you allow yourself to fully experience it? To integrate the lessons? To bring self back to wholeness?

  • Where are you most comfortable? Light, Shadow, Grey? Why?


Published 25 January 2022 | ©️All Rights Reserved

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